Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize