I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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