Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
