Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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