you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my being single is dangerous.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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