i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
