was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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