Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
