I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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