I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
