I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
