Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
