I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
