Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
