if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize