Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My pussy is not your playground.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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