I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
