if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
