there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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