I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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