I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
