I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
