The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
