my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
