Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
