I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
