honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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