I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
