she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
