My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
