I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
