Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
