We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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