Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
