Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
