hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
