I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
