i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
