I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
