every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
