is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
