the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
