I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
