So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
