Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
