i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize