remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
