Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize