I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
