and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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