Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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