I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
