Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it glows. i had to have it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
