Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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