i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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