i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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