She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
