God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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