i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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