I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
