is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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