I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
