so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
