he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
